Beauty, Vol. 2

November 4, 2008, changed my life forever.

Context makes the moment though, so let's back up a little bit.

One of the gifts I was given as a child was really high self esteem.  I credit this to my parents, who were always telling me how beautiful I was, and how smart, and funny and interesting.  They were interested in where I was, and who I was with, and what I was doing.  I always felt valued, and it inflated my sense of self probably a bit more than was actually congruent with my skills and abilities. But still, I walked around for my early life generally of the opinion that I was pretty great, and that I had life more or less figured out.

In 2006, I found myself at the beginning of a long divorce.  One that would take a year and a half to finalize.  I went from having a family, a husband and son, and a mortgage on a newly constructed home near Pikes Peak, to living with my mom, and with Lucas, broke, broken, and starting again, in what felt like the blink of an eye.  My first marriage had always been more work than marriage should be, the product of being married too young, to someone who was really really too young, and who was fighting his own demons that had nothing to do with me.  Even still, my divorce came as a shock.  And it broke my spirit in half, took my entire protective shell, and just left me, with whiplash, wondering what the hell happened.

In late April, 2007, I sat on the edge of the bed in my first mother-in-law's bedroom, (because she kept me in the divorce) and watched as Barack Obama, who I'd barely heard of, announce that he was running for President.  Lucas, who was just three years old at the time, was undoubtedly chasing his barely-older-than-he-is aunties around, but I snatched him, and made him sit and watch with me.

I had been feeling lost, and small, and unworthy, and not enough.  By then, I'd gotten my act together enough to move out of my mom's house, and Lucas and I were living in a 550 square foot one bedroom apartment that only had a shower, and not a bathtub.  I picked the one bedroom, because it was all I could afford (divorce is expensive, ya'll) and because at that point I was still too scared to let Lucas out of my sight.  I had constant nightmares that he was kidnapped, or trapped somewhere that I couldn't get to him, and so it re-assured me to stick my hand over the side of my bed and feel his tiny chest rising and falling in the toddler bed next to my full size one.  If I had to go the bathroom in the middle of the night, I would pick up his perfect little round form, slightly sticky with sleep sweat, and carry him down the hall to the bathroom with me.

So many nights, I'd look at him, slumped and sleeping on the bathmat while I peed and I would just cry.  Because this was not the plan.  Just the two of us in a little apartment was not the plan.  Being a single mom was not the plan.  I thought about all of the people who had told me that that there was no place for mixed kids in the world, and I felt like I'd already failed Lucas' whole life.  Because he was going to be brown, with a white mom, who was a single parent, who couldn't give him all the advantages his pre-school friends had.  I wondered how my mistakes would impact his life, and if he would ever recover from all the ways I had already let him down.

But on that Spring day in 2007, I felt new life stirring in my bones.  Barack Obama was brown.  Barack Obama had a white mother.  She was single too.  Barack Obama was raised by his mother and grandparents. Just. Like. Lucas.  I looked at Barack Obama's face that day, practically a juvenile compared to the way he looks now, and I fell in love.  Not fan girl love.  Just love.  Lucas love.  If this brown man with the funny name could actually pull this thing off, I could see the doors blow open on my own son's life.  Nobody that looks like my kid had ever been President before, but this son of a Kansas born single mother could change the stars.

We were lucky to get to hear Barack Obama speak in person twice before he was elected.  If you have never heard a candidate for President speak, it involves hours of waiting, and lines, and being confined in very close quarters.  Its stressful and hot, and only real masochists take their little kids.  But it was beyond important to me to have Lucas see him with his own eyes.  I wanted him to be able to tell his grand children one day.

I took Lucas with me to vote, and it remains to this day one of the most joyful memories of my life.  There was an older man in line in front of me, who took pictures of his deceased parents into the voting booth with him so they could all vote together.  I couldn't stop crying.  The juxtaposition of my tiny boy, newly five by then, and this man and the memory of his parents, enveloped me and I can close my eyes and go back to that moment at any time.

By the time Barack Obama was elected, our life had changed some too.  We had our own bedrooms now, in a bigger apartment with a bathtub and a porch.  We had furniture that I'd bought new.  Just the two of us didn't feel sad anymore, it felt like a celebration.  Lucas tried to stay awake to see the results come in, but he didn't quite make it.  I remember walking into the bedroom and whispering in his little ear that we did it, that Barack Obama was the president.  He lifted his sleepy head, whispered, "yay" and fell back to sleep.  I don't think my feet touched the ground for days.  Just by being elected, Barack Obama changed the course of our lives forever.  Because I knew for sure that his election meant that there were no limitations on Lucas.  Raised by a single parent? You can still be President.  Not white? Doesn't matter.  Barack Obama is the President.  I don't know if the voices stopped telling about what Lucas could or couldn't be, or if I just stopped listening, but since November 4, 2008, those doubts have never been a part of my life.

Time is such a funny thing, and it marches on so quickly.  The life I had on November 6, 2012, looked nothing like the one I had in 2008.  No longer a single parent, I was married to my love. A homeowner again, bedrooms for everyone!  This time it was Asher's turn.  I held my just-past-his-first-birthday-baby while I voted, and made him the same silent promises I'd made Lucas four years before.  No limitations on you. Barack Obama won again.  My first boy could only remember a Black President and my second boy had never known anything else.

Which brings us up to now.

I never took Donald Trump seriously. I had never really been a fan, but as the election drew closer and closer I awaited the news of him dropping from the race every day.  Because surely this angry court jester never had a real shot. I watched him mock and belittle anyone who disagreed with him.  I saw his huge ego, and I recognized that very little of what he said was rooted in any kind of honesty.  Because surely people could see. Surely people could see he was totally without qualification, and beyond that, totally without manners, decorum, or a sense of human decency.  Honestly, it didn't matter anyway.  Though I personally was a Bernie fan, I joked with my husband and the people that I talked politics with that Khaleesi was coming to Westeros.  Hillary Clinton seemed like she was on a freight train with destiny.

When the pussy grabbing stuff came out, I thought for sure that was the end of it.  Surely, no one with a clear mind would elect a President who bragged about sexually assaulting women.  Surely this would be the deal breaker where none of the other things had been.  Surely this world, the one that now housed my daughter in addition to my two sons held women in higher regard than that.  Surely, women held themselves in higher regard than that.  Surely I had nothing to worry about.

But we all know how that worked out.

I went to bed on election night at about 1 am.  The race hadn't officially been called yet, and I felt like somehow, if I didn't see it happen, it wasn't real.  I tried not to cry as I willed sleep to come, and the harder I tried not to, the more I cried.  When I woke up, it was over.

I know it is a microagression, my white shock at the outcome of election.  I apologize for it now, sincerely, and on a multitude of levels.  But to tell the story right, is to try and put words somehow to the utter shock I felt.  And to how let down I felt by humanity.  How could my fellow people allow this to happen?  How could some of them be celebrating?  It brought on this fog of sadness and anger and suspicion that I have, to this day, found hard to shake.  Through November and December and January I told myself that it wouldn't be as bad as I was making it out to be, that nothing is ever as bad as we build it up in our minds to be, and that it would all be fine.

But January 20th happened and it isn't fine.  It is just as bad as I feared it would be, and it gets worse every day.  I already don't recognize my surroundings and its been a week now.  It feels like years.  It feels like decades.  It feels like The Lorax after the last Truffula tree is cut down, and the last Bar-ba-loot leaves in his Bar-ba-loot suit.  As a side note,Theodor Seuss Geisel- Dr. Seuss- was actually very much an activist.  So much so that one of my Republican relatives, who shall remain nameless, refused to let her children and grandchildren read his books. It feels like Donald Trump could be The Lorax.  He's like The Lorax meets Hitler meets your uncle's creepy friend who hugs you for too long.

If there is a silver lining for me, and I think its the same silver lining for many Americans, its that his election has spurred within us a sense of activism.  It feels like this country is going off the rails, and the Checks and Balances System I grew up hearing about in socials studies feels like it suddenly has neither checks nor balances.  And so I feel like, more and more, We The People are our own checks and balances.  We have a duty, as Trump silences the press and presents "Alternative Facts"  to call him on the carpet for every lie told.  We have a duty to contact our elected officials, our senators and congress people and hold them accountable for doing their job on behalf of their constituents.  We have a duty to resist, to remain focused, and to never become desensitized to this awful man and what he stands for.

I said all of that to get to this point.

Its sort of hard to wonder what the hell it is I am doing here now.  We are at the most dangerous and unstable point in American history, who cares about lipstick?

I don't really have the answer to that.

Makeup has never really been about makeup for me.  Sometime around when Obama was elected, I found my footing again in life.  I marched forward, I found happiness, and then, when the right time came, I fell in love.  My life was, and is, so blessed.

Halo came in 2014. I still can't believe the blessing of three beautiful, healthy kids.  I am forever grateful for them, and for my husband,  the people that have made my whole life, and who I love more than anything, so do not misunderstand what I am about to say.

Having three kids is hard.  Its really hard.  After my divorce, I had to find a new normal, and it was a long time coming, but I found it.  When my second baby was born, after almost eight years with only one, I had to find my new normal.  It took a little while, but it got here.  And so, when baby #3 came along, I waited, knowing my new normal would get here.

I'm still waiting.

My wise friend Ashley is fond of saying that there are only two numbers when it comes to children, zero and non-zero.  In many ways she is correct, but I felt a shift come along with Halo.  An almost imperceivable disturbance in the force, if you will.

Raising three children is hard.  Raising all numbers of children is hard, but when we hit three, I felt, really for the first time, like there wasn't enough of me to go around.  I'm stupidly lucky, because I'm raising them with a father who loves them dearly and wants to be an active participant in their lives.  I have a village.  Its obscene how lucky we are in the village department.  But still.  Raising three children, and giving them, and my husband, and my friends and family, and our house, and my job, all the attention and love and care they need was a first world problem that I was not prepared for. And as I tried super hard to be super mom, I felt myself get more lost in the shuffle every day.

But then makeup.

I didn't fall in love with makeup, I fell in love with me.  It isn't about red lipstick and eyelash curlers, its about me.  Its about 30 minutes in the morning that is just for me to do something that is just for me.  Its about literally every other moment in my life being about someone else's needs, but that time is mine.  Its about getting to celebrate being a girl.  Because despite the war DT is waging against women, there isn't anything I would rather be.  The beautiful thing about being female is that it can be whatever you want it to be.  My celebration of what being feminine is to me might not look like yours, and thats okay.  For me, being female means that I was given the gift of forgiving quickly.  I can walk in high heels, no matter how high.  And I get to wear them any time I want.  It means softness.  It means nurturing.  It means Asher snuggling onto the very same belly that grew him and saying, "you're comfy, mom."  It meant the honor of three little heartbeats, beating in double-time with mine, growing right underneath my own heart.  Being a woman for me is when my husband pulls me close at night and tells me that I smell good.  It means loving beautiful things and not having to apologize.  It means learning to be brave in a work place that sometimes doesn't fully appreciate my intelligence and determination.  It means that I keep going when I'm tired and I want to stop.  It means encouraging others to have the faith to start again.  It means a circle of woman friends that I am so thankful to know.

Sometimes when I am writing or posting about makeup, I want to stop myself.  I think, "this is so silly, who cares?"  But makeup for me, is regenerating every single day so that I have the strength and the ability to pour into others.  It makes me happy, but mostly because it reminds me once again that I am worth the time and the energy.  I am a valuable voice in this world.

I don't know whats going to happen.  The world makes no sense right now, and its probably going to get worse before it gets better.  But I've never been prouder to be female.  And I love makeup for its inclusion.  Makeup doesn't care.  It doesn't care if you are a woman or a man or both or neither.  Its my own little way of celebrating all of the beauty that still exists in the world, and reminding myself every day of the beauty that still exists in me.

e.l.f part II: the eyes

I went on a bit of a bender a few weeks ago, and bought a lot of makeup. Like, a lot.  Some facial stuff too.  Some of which isn't here yet.  Amazon is super dangerous, especially whilst rage watching our new president sneer on television.  I'll tell ya one way that fool is good for the economy...

It all started because I needed an eyelash curler (funny story, after my last few blog posts, where I mentioned that I needed one, I am now awash in eyelash curlers. More than I could ever possibly need.  So thank you, those of you who felt compelled to make sure I have curly eyelashes well into old age.  Your thoughtfulness is very appreciated!) and, because big brother is watching us, Facebook showed me an ad for an eyelash curler on the elf website.  Click.

I found out that with my purchase of $25 (too easy) I would be the lucky recipient of the following free gift, one of their Baked Eye Shadow Palettes, along with a mascara and a liquid eyeliner.  Sold!  I have been wanting to try baked eye shadow for the LONGEST and decided I could also face down my fear of liquid eyeliner at the same time.

Before I got there though, I also purchased the Every Day Glow Set because I needed an eyelash curler, I'm obsessed with gold eyeshadow, and this one was also baked.  Mostly the eyelash curler though.

** A bit of business, before I get back to my review.  After my purchase, all of a sudden, everyone and their mother on social media was talking about the Mad For Matte 2 Eye Palette which I did not buy, sadly.  I looked at it, and thought about it, but I was really in the mood for an eyelash curler, so I passed it up.  Apparently, that was my mistake, because according to the interwebs, its just about the greatest palette in the history of makeup.  So I am probably going to have to buy it, and then build a house for myself out of eye shadow, because if I bring one more into our existing house, there will be no room for me.  The Deans are moving this year, hopefully sooner rather than later.  We need more space, which I say is for our three growing kids, but is really for my growing collection of eye palettes.  My name is Halley Dean, and I'm addicted to eye palettes.  I've gotten way off track here, but the point is, if you are looking for an eye palette, this, apparently, is a great one.  Sorry I'm not reviewing it here.  I'll do better next time.**


So, of the items I purchased, and was free gift with purchased, some I loved, and some I did not.  I have not actually tried quite all of them yet, but when I do, if there are any I have super strong feelings about, I will edit this post.

Here are the goodies when I took them out of the box:

The only thing I actually tried today from the  Every Day Glow set was the eyeliner, which is that white pencil you see.  It is described as a "brightening eyeliner pencil-black."  I did not love.  It was crumbly, and didn't go on smoothly at all.  I only wear liner on my lower lash, in my water line, and unlike lipstick, where the quality is the same no matter the price point, the same cannot really be said of eyeliner pencils.  In my experience, you get what you pay for with those.  My particular favorite are the gel pencils, which have extra glide to them whilst still being a pencil.  I hear the Cover Girl and Maybelline both make good gel eyeliner pencils, but since neither of those brands are cruelty free, I couldn't tell you myself.  The Marc Jacobs Highliner will probably forever and always be my favorite, but while we're told less is more, when it comes to eyeliner pencils, really more is more.  Its probably the only time you will ever hear me say that, but I have not really found any budget brand eyeliner pencils that I'm impressed with.  If you have some, I'd love to hear about them.  I can't show you the pictures yet, because we're still getting there, but suffice it to say that this pencil is meh.  On a good day.

I did jump right in to the baked palette though, with excitement.  For those unfamiliar, baked eyeshadow is meant to be applied wet.  Like watercolors from kindergarten.  Literally, I dipped my brushes in water, and then into the shadow.  As examples, here are a few of the colors swatched wet and dry:

As you can see, it is nearly impossible to see the dry pigment.  Its always funny to me when I read bad reviews of baked shadow and the reviewer is talking about not getting any color payout.  There is a reason for that: user error.  If ya don't know, now ya know!

Up close, the palette itself looks like this:

Pretty, right?  The jury is out on whether people prefer palettes with or without a mirror.  I like mirrors myself.  They aren't deal breakers, but I was impressed that this had one.  It is made in stiff, sturdy plastic, with a latch, very similar to the Morphe Palettes.  This thing is really strong, and really hard to get open, which for me is GREAT considering the two year old makeup thief who lives with me and thinks all of this makeup actually belongs to her.  In looking at this, its hard to believe that it only runs $10.00, because the packaging is really nice.  They didn't skimp on it at all.

Here's what I learned: baked shadow is not easy to apply.  I'm going to keep trying, and probably buy more baked shadow to find out if it is just this brand or not, but this stuff is hard to apply.  It really does remind me of water colors.  It really, really doesn't blend.  Even cream eye shadows, which are a little more unwieldy than your basic powders blend, but this stuff really doesn't.  When I apply eyeshadow, I typically do five colors: a base color, while I apply over the whole lid, a crease color, and then a second darker color in the crease for definition, a lower lid color, and a color on the inner corners.  The idea is to make them all work together into something pretty fluid.  The more days I do this, the more I feel like I get a smooth gradient on my crease color, which pulls everything together.  There are no smooth gradients here.  Not only will you be able to see every block of color, you will see that one eye is much darker than the other.  Because we're all still learning here together at Red Lip Nation.

But I still cannot show you the pictures.  Because there's more.  

My gift set came with a liquid eyeliner, which I have never touched before in life.  I don't wear eyeliner on my upper lid (a decision that was reinforced today) and I really don't wear wings.  I did try it out today, just for shits and giggles, and it was not good.  Its just not my aesthetic.  You have to be way cooler than me to wear a wing.  Maybe if I had false lashes on to kind of balance out the weight, it could be done, but I took one look and myself and said "nope."  I took a few pictures, so we could all laugh together on the internet, and then I reminded myself that I am 35, and not the kind of cool 35 year old who can wear a nicely cut eyeliner wing, and I took that shit off.

However.  

Lets say you are the kind of cool 35 year old who can pull this off.  Or cool 50 year old, or 16 year old, or whatever.  Check out this point:

Because the silliness here is mine.  Its user error, its not the product, which is really, really impressive.  This thing, in addition to having the pointiest of points, really glides on, and was very smooth to apply.  The Intense Ink Eyeliner will set you back $3.00, and if you love liquid eyeliner, or know what the hell you're doing, I'd wager that this is money well spent.

And now, without further ado:

yeah... so... that happened.

And then off came the wings, because I just couldn't hack it:

See how the pigment on my left eye is way different than the pigment on my right?

So... learning curve.  Turns out baked eye shadow is not that easy to apply.  I would consider my makeup expertise at this point to be somewhere in the medium range.  If love were skill, I'd be an expert, but alas, it is not.  I'm going to keep working at it though, because I love how deep and rich the pigments *can* be, if I figure out how to wrangle them properly.

I also did not feel like it stayed super well throughout the day:

I realized two things this morning.  The first is that baked shadow is hard, and the second is that I cannot, in any way, read about, listen to, or watch anything having to do with current events while I put makeup on.  He who currently resides in the White House had me so fucked up this morning, I forgot to fill in my brows.  So I walked around all morning with sparse brows, which did nothing to improve my opinion of the dear leader.  The picture on the right is at lunch time when I ran out and got an eye pencil.  So the brow problem got fixed, but as you can see, the eyeshadow has largely left the building like Barack Obama.  Damn.  I miss you Obama.

There is one product though, that I tried and love love love lovity loved.

The Volumizing Mascara.  Every makeup brand in creation has a volumizing mascara.  The elf website has 11 products listed under the heading of mascara.  This one is at the very bottom of the page and costs $2.00.  I wasn't expecting a lot from it.  The packaging is basic, its not one of the fancy mascaras, and I just figured it would be another clumpy, gloppy one that I tossed on the pile.  Boy, was I wrong.  

The first thing that really got me when I pulled out the wand was how sturdy it was.  Its a natural fiber brush, which I typically hate, but thats because they are usually so flimsy.  This one didn't bend at all coming out of the tube.  I can't remember when I have ever seen that.  It also didn't have a bunch of product caked up all over it.   Because I wore eyeliner on my upper lid ( I just got rid of the wings) you really can't see my eyelashes, and for as many pictures as I took, none came out the way I wanted them to.  I absolutely fell in love with it though.  The thing that impressed me most was the separation.  I didn't have any lashes sticking together.  I definitely feel like it made them look longer, and darker, but there was nary a spider lash in sight.  I live in fear of those things, but I didn't have any problems.  Im going to wear it again tomorrow, without the eyeliner, and try and get some good pictures for instagram.  This stuff is AMAZING.  And its only $2.00! Thats cheaper than my other true love, the Lash Princess, but it is still incredible.  Maybe even better.  I don't know.  I am not sure which one I like more.  But considering you can get them both for less than $10.00, I say everyone try it out and see for yourself which one you prefer.

So, thats my eye review for now.  I'm going to keep after it with the baked shadow and see if I can get any better with it.  In the mean time, if there are any baked shadows that you really love, that you think I need to try, please let me know!!

e.l.f. part I: the lips

When I was a kid, elf was one of those cheapy makeup brands kids played with.  Everything basically cost a dollar, and the quality wasn't great, but since it was so cheap, and we weren't exactly looking for quality products, it wasn't that big a deal.

I've noticed though, in recent years, that elf (short for Eyes Lips Face) has undergone a rebranding.  Though it is definitely at the "budget" end of the beauty spectrum, you'll see elf popping up in the makeup tutorials of some of social media's most famous makeup artists.

Leading up to, and following the inauguration, I've been spending my feelings a little bit, and elf is an easy place to do it.  They were running a great deal last week, as they do most weeks, free shipping over $25 and a free gift with purchase.  We'll get to my free gift in the 2nd part of this series, but suffice it to say in the mean time, for $25, you can get a LOT of stuff at elf!

Of all the makeup products out there, lipstick is probably the one that least requires you to spend a lot of money.  I own lipstick all over the price spectrum, and honestly, they are all pretty much the same. Unless there is a specific brand that has your heart, like Besame does mine, you can honestly find great lipstick anywhere.  Shortly before Christmas, I must have had a small stroke or something, because I actually considered asking my husband to get me this.  Can you imagine?  Do you know how much lipstick I could buy elsewhere for $90???  And, no offense to Mr. Louboutin, because my dream is to one day own a pair of his shoes, but I'm guessing that his lipstick doesn't wear any different than anyone else's.

Anyway, as I was saying, I was in my feelings, and elf is at a price point that I decided to buy several different types of their lipstick, to see which ones I liked best.  I decided to buy them all in more or less the same color (red, obviously) so that the only thing changing would be the type of lipstick itself.  Behold:

Here they are swatched in the same order, with the exfoliator making a cameo, as Cher Horowitz would say, because it doesn't swatch:

I will caution you that some of these pictures look sort of insane.  I did these swatches last night, and my makeup had sort of run south of the border by then, if you know what I mean.  I was also contending with my two year old makeup assistant who feels the need to try everything on as well, all at the same time if she gets her preference, so I had to move fast.  I thought about doing the pictures over tonight, but honestly, they would have been the same.  Mom life is for real, ya'll.  So bear with me.  Also, by the 5th lipstick color, my face looks like I've broken out in a rash, because you cannot put on that much red lipstick and then take it right back off without it irritating your skin.  So anyway, with that bit of business out of the way, here are the colors themselves.

First up is the elf Essential Lipstick in the shade FEARLESS:

This is elf's original lipstick and it will run you exactly $1.00.  Yes, thats right, 100 pennies.  ONE. DOLLAR. Put your hand up on your computer screen to cover the top half of my sad face, which slightly resembles Winston Churchill's favorite french bulldog in this picture, and just check out the lower half.  Good, right?  As you can see, this isn't matte.  If you are only open to matte, this probably isn't going to be your deal, because 75% of the colors I am going to show you don't fit that bill.  The good news here is, the more shine there is to  color, the easier it is to apply.  Red is the hardest color to apply, it can be really unforgiving, and matte is the hardest red to apply.  So this one is really easy.  It glided right on, and didn't bleed at all.  Because it is shiny, it is not kiss/smudge proof, but it also didn't run out onto the sides of my face.  Also, I should mention that all of the elf colors I tried tasted great!  They were all very sweet, but not in a cloying, bubble gummy way.  This one might have actually been my favorite of all of the colors, just because it was so easy to apply, and this shade is so great.  Anyone would be flattered in this color, so I would tell everyone to try it.  And if you hate it, its a dollar, so its not like anyone's college fund is disappearing over it.  This one is a great bet and comes in five other colors, so, hey, get them all.

Keeping things going in order, the next product would be the Lip Exfoliator which I don't have any pictures of, other than the one above, because there isn't really anything to see with it on.  This product costs $3.00, and comes in a variety of flavors, grapefruit, coconut, cherry, and mint.  I picked this one, which doesn't have a flavor, per se, because it has the little granules in it.  You are supposed to rub it across your lips in a circular motion.  I actually really loved it.  I've been wearing Colourpop a lot this week, and though I love it, it is super drying, so this is just what the doctor ordered.  After I took it off, I just kept rubbing my lips on each other because they felt so soft.  I was definitely happy with this buy as well.

Next up was the Aqua Beauty Radiant Gel Lipstain which I got in the color, "Pink Splash."  I see now that they have the color "Rouge Radiance" back in stock, which is probably closer to what I was looking for in this little experiment, but oh well.

As you can see, this one is way more matte.  It actually feels like water going on.  Its very slippery, but definitely more water than gel.  Because it is a lip stain, rather than a lipstick, the color is not as opaque, and you have to do a few swipes to build up some good color payoff.  Because it is matte, and because it is a stain, it does exactly that.  Once it is on and dry, which takes less than a minute, it is going to stay set.  24 hours and a shower later, the swatch still remains on my inner arm.  Despite its watery texture, I didn't find that it bled (none of them did) which is saying a lot for red and red adjacent colors.  This one also tasted great, and though I licked my lips a lot, I didn't feel like the inner color faded.  Its still a pretty robust pink, though, if I had it to do over, I'd probably get the true red one.  You could probably pass this off as a warm red and wear it in the spring and summer. Earlier this week, I got a message on Facebook from a woman asking about the trend of wearing two colors at the same time, with one color on the upper lip and another on the lower.  The two colors I talked about here would actually be a fun way to ease into that trend, because they are different, but not super so.

The next product was a little different, in that it was a 2 in 1.  Its the Day to Night Lipstick Duo in the shade combo "Red Hot Reds." 

The helpful details blurb on the website tells me that, "This dual-ended lipstick conveniently has a beautiful soft shade for day and a bolder shade for night. The velvety satin formula is enriched with Shea, and Vitamins A, C, and E to help nourish and hydrate."

While the picture would have you believe that neither of these colors can stay inside the lines, don't be fooled.  Thats just my skin.  After putting on and taking off several colors the skin around my mouth is irritated, which makes the colors look bleedy, but I can assure you, none of them were.  The Shea thats in these products is, again, going to make them read as not matte, but they both ended up being colors that I liked a lot. The "daytime" color on the left also felt almost pink to me, but it was absolutely a color I liked.  The color to the right reminded me a lot of Unicorn Blood except not matte.  So if you've ever wished for that color, but with a bit of shine, you're in luck.  Here it is, it comes with a second color, and it will only cost you $5.00.  The other thing I liked about this duo, is that the lipstick parts themselves are more narrow than a traditional lipstick.  If you're wanting to try red, but you're new to it, this would be another great one to ease in with, because the narrow sticks make it easier to apply.  It would be easier to cover up mistakes, because you aren't covering so much territory all at once.

The last color I tried was The Velvet Matte Lipstick in Ruby Red.

While I am totally and completely in love with this color, calling it "matte" might be on the generous side.  Putting it on though, it felt very much like Kat Von D Liquid Lipstick which is really soft and dreamy to put on.  It reminded me of clouds, the way Kat's does. Its pillowy soft, and like all the others, tastes great.  Of all the colors I tried, this one probably has the best formula.  It is just so, so soft.  At $3.00, its another one that if you hate, you won't have to cry about it, but I doubt that you will.  It comes in a lot of great colors, including a fabulous dark burgundy that would look amazing on any lovelies out there that have been blessed by the melanin gods.  If you are a Black Woman who does not immediately buy the burgundy color, you have done yourself a disservice.  I don't know what else to tell you.  Color wise, I probably enjoyed FEARLESS the most, but for formula, this one is definitely the winner!!

And there you have it! My review of some of elf's most fun reds.  It appears, from my further review of their website though, that they have over a hundred kinds of lip products.  And just in putting this post together, I've found five more that I'll probably order.  Because why not?  You can't beat these prices, and I was super impressed with the quality all around.  A new lipstick, especially a red lipstick will put a pep in your step.  So I would go ahead and treat yo' self.

Best Mascara Ever: Essence Lash Princess Volume Mascara

Here she is, Lovelies!  The mascara you never knew you always wanted:

I was discussing with my friend Erin earlier today that people do not give Essence Cosmetics the credit its due.  Because its a budget brand, people erroneously assume that the quality is low.  Honestly, I think, for the money you spend, it doesn't get any better.

Its sort of snuck up on me recently, how much I am gravitating to this brand.  I own, and enjoy, several of their eye palettes, and we covered not that long ago that they make what is, in my opinion, the most universally flattering nude lipstick color known to the free world, in Barely There, which I talked about here and here. And probably other posts as well.  Its a really great nude, and if you find it, you should buy it, because it literally looks good on everyone, no matter what color flavor crystal you are.

I bought this mascara in a two pack, at Christmas time, along with the Lash Princess False Lashes Mascara.  What's funny is, the Volume Mascara was  described as the "every day, daytime mascara," and it was the Falsh Lashes that was described as the one that would transition you to an evening look.

I started out just wearing the Falsh Lashes mascara.  Because who has time for a a daytime look when it comes to eyelashes? Lets just skip right to the big guns in my opinion.  My poor little Volume Mascara was just going to waste away in the corners of one of my ill-organized makeup bags.

My daughter, the makeup thief, had other plans though.  Halo, age two, loves nothing more than putting makeup on with me in the mornings.  She calls it "pretties," or rather, she yells it, "pretties" because though she looks like a girly girl, this young lady does not play.  She is also fond of stealing my makeup and hobbit-holing it away somewhere, only to emerge with it days later, makeup destroyed, and Miss Lady of the opinion that she is beat to capacity, and that no one could be prettier than she.

I had concerns that my Falsh Lashes had met such a demise (they didn't, see the earlier paragraph, re: ill-organized) but I decided to give the Volume Mascara a shot in the absence of the tube that Essence itself was marketing as superior.

Honey, somebody lied, because this stuff is WAY better.  I'm deeply annoyed by this, because this mascara has everything I hate, namely a curved fiber bristled wand, but damnit if it doesn't get the job done.

Every time I write a post about mascara I think to myself how odd it is that I own probably $500 worth of mascara and nary an eyelash curler.  So picture this but with curled eyelashes.  The thing that impresses me so much about this mascara is that it doesn't cake on the wand, ergo, it doesn't cake on my eyes.  Even my "They're Real" mascara, which is widely regarded as one of the best mascaras, gets cakey on the wand and can be really hard to keep my eyelashes from sticking together.  I don't even have to clean this wand off before I apply it.  It gives me great separation and length with just a coat or two.

I went to Ulta today on my lunch hour with my mom.  I'm in this store probably four times a week.  They know me there.  While I was waiting for her to have her eyebrows tinted, I realized mine really needed to be tweezed.  I went to go buy a pair of tweezers, and while standing in checkout, the employees, who see my face early and often, stopped to comment on how great my eyelashes look.  They've seen me in a lot of mascaras, and have never mentioned any of them before.  I think part of the reason is because this stuff doesn't give me spider eyes.  It *almost* looks like I could just have good eyelash genes, but like most of us, the boys in my family got the good lashes.  So anything I've got going on is man-made.

I only wear mascara on my top lashes, because a makeup artist once told me that it makes them look longer, and I feel like this still looks natural.

So, here's whats wild.  This mascara is incredible and it costs $4.99.  Thats cheaper than drugstore mascaras.  Your L'Oreal, your Cover Girl, your Revlons, none of which are cruelty free, are all more expensive than the Essence, which isn't tested on animals.  And if you hate it, which you won't, you're only out $5.  There's literally no downside here.

So go to Ulta.  Or Target, or order it online.  You'll thank me later.  And order me an eyelash curler while you're at it.

The One Where Lucas and Dante Do My Makeup

Not terribly long ago, in the world of online video makeup challenges, there was one going around where the makeup artist would have their boyfriend do their makeup.  You can watch a few of my favorites here and here.  I would totally love to do that challenge.  I'm not sure that my husband would love to do it, but I told my first born about it earlier tonight.  I asked if he thought Dad would do it, and he said he didn't know, but that he would give it a shot.  His friend Dante is spending the night tonight, and, ever the competitor, he decided they could split my face down the middle and each do half.

I mean, why not?

I brought all of my makeup downstairs to the basement mancave where they were playing xbox.  I told them the only rules were that they had to use different stuff, no product overlap, and they had to try and make me look nice.

First off, can I just say, watching the two of them try to figure out what the heck they were doing was friggin precious.  They both looked like they were on some archeological dig, looking at things from another civilization.  I should have taped this experience, except they literally took an hour, and I'm not sure folks would watch for that long.  They both agreed that makeup makes no sense, but that putting it on is harder than it looks.

So first, our brave participants:

Who better to do a face full of makeup than two 13 year old football players?

I let them pick all of their own products from my collection.  Probably 20-30 minutes of this hour process was them picking stuff out, and trying to figure out what it was.  Lucas (my beautiful first born, in the red) totally broke up one of my eyeshadows with his giant banana hands, so they both learned how to re-press eye shadow with mineral oil.  Maybe they can use that skill to impress a girl one day.

So without further ado, here are their products of choice:

Dante:

He selected two Ulta brand eye shadow palettes, a sephora eyeshadow palette, Benefit They're Real Mascara and an Ulta eyeliner pencil. Not pictured is the lipstick he chose, which is Laura Geller Liquid Lipstick in the shade Fuchsia Fever. The grand total cost for all of this makeup is probably somewhere around $70.

Lucas:

, 

Lucas chose an Ulta blush/contour/highlight palette, Bye Bye Undereye, Essence Nudes Palette and False Lash Mascara, Smashbox Always Sharp Eyeliner, Too Faced Air Buffed BB Cream, Balm Voyage II Palette and Besame Victory Red Lipstick, all of which comes to about $180.  We always tease my boy about having champagne taste and caviar dreams, and it turns out we were right.


Ready to see their handiwork?



















Are you sure???


















It's pretty awesome!!!

Wings were an integral part of both of their processes apparently.

Up Close of Dante's side:

Up Close of Lucas' side:

They were both really good sports, and I am happy to report that no makeup was (permanently) harmed in the making of this blog post.

Things I Do Not Love: Tarte Best In Faux Mascara

I feel like in the last few years, with the rise of Younique, fiber lashes have become a really big thing. I kind of avoid the fibers as a general rule because I hate insane looking eyelashes that jut out in each direction.  I'm not saying thats what Younique does, I mean, it does on some people, because some of the "testimonials" I've seen are fucking terrifying, but I think thats more about the heavy hand of the person applying than the product itself.

Many moons ago, before I developed this aversion, I bought some L'Oreal Double Extend Mascara. This is actually what started my problem.  Because this stuff, while a good idea in theory, will make you look batshit crazy.  You'll have "eyelashes" jutting out every which way.  Its clumpy and spidery and is not a good look on anyone.  Avoid.  Also, L'Oreal, like many drugstore brands, is not cruelty free, so there's that.

So ever since my horrible experience with that, I have avoided any eye product that requires sticking something to my existing eyelashes.  This does not include wearing falsies, which I love, but that is a post for another day.

Anyway, I was recently gifted as selection of Tarte products, which is a brand I typically love, but don't buy very often for myself, because its a little bit on the pricier side.  There were some products that I was (and after trying, continue to be) really excited about like the Amazonian Clay 12 Hour Blush- I am wearing the shade seduce in these pictures- and the Eye Architect which is also really fun, and would be even better if I could keep the spring loaded cap from popping off, but the product I want to tell you about today is the Tarte Best In Faux Mascara, which, despite its adorable name, is not awesome, and should not be let near human eyes.

When I first opened it, I wasn't even sure what it was exactly.  The packaging said mascara, but I have never seen a wand like this one before.  I couldn't get a decent picture, but through the miracle of internet stock photos, I can tell you that it looks like this:

Its...fuzzy.  My oldest child opined that it looks like a sweater, and he isn't wrong.  It looks like a used lint roller.  I really had no idea what to do with it.  Thanks, once again to the power of the internet, I was able to find some instructional videos to show me how to properly rub this caterpillar on my eyelashes.

The readers digest version is that the Best In Faux comes with another Tarte mascara, called Lights Camera Lashes, which is the flagship mascara of their brand.  Its their staple, their timeless classic, it is the Chanel suit of Tarte mascaras.  So, you put on a good thick coat of the LCL, then you brush these fibers over said lashes, and then another coat of the LCL to seal.  Got that?

Also, one helpful blogger pointed out that you should not apply the Best In Faux starting at the bottom of your lashes like you would with other mascaras, you should start at least half way up, or just at the tips, to avoid these little fuzzy things falling into your eyes.

It seems simple enough, and it looks pretty good in the videos.  Thats how these prestige brands suck you in.  It seems like a good idea, simple enough, easy to do, and any mascara that costs more than $20 is bound to not be crappy, right?  You would think, but no.

Being that I have a Masters degree, you'd think I could figure out how to properly apply mascara.  And I did apply it just as I had been instructed.  A good coat of LCL.  The verdict on that for me is that I do feel like it added length, and it was good at separating, but it wasn't as dark as I would like, and I am not sure I feel like it did much for volume or thickness.

And then, per instructions, I applied these Best In Faux fibers.  My middle child has recently become obsessed with the movie "Home Alone."  He runs around the house putting his face in his hands and screaming.

If I didn't want to wake my kids, I would have run around the house screaming, " MY EYES! MY EYES!!" because cheese and rice, every single one of those fuzzy fibers felt like they were dropping right onto my eyeballs.

I hurried and applied the second coat of LCL, hoping that the stickiness of the mascara would help my pitiful situation.  Spoiler alert: it didn't.  I thought about taking it all off and starting over, but putting on makeup takes me a good 30 minutes, and I had to go to work and didn't have that kind of time.  So, I decided to just suffer through.  After about five minutes, the pain did subside and I wanted to stab out my own eyeballs much less.

I will say, because fair is fair, that I did like what it did to my lashes.  I didn't have an eyelash curler on hand, so mine were pretty much sticking straight out, but I did feel like it really added to them.  I tried to get some good, up close photos, and then I filtered the crap out of them so you could see my eyelashes better.  Behold:

So, imagine those, but curled.  Not bad, right?

Except the damn fibers fell into my eyes all. day. long.  I don't mind suffering for makeup, but there are limits, and we reached them today.

Not amused.  My supervillian eyebrow is just starting to raise, but we see where this is headed.

In short,  this one is a no.  Its now 8:54pm, and I have been wearing this jazz for about 13 hours now. I thought about taking it off as soon as I got home, but I had to make dinner and raise children and then write about it on the internet.  Plus, this chair is comfortable, and my makeup remover is in the far away bathroom.  Its quiet now, and my kids are asleep.  Walking is hard.  I still want to though, because even as I type this, I have fibers in my eye.  Which I guess, if you are the silver lining type, means some of them have hung in there for 12+ hours, which is impressive for any makeup.  So take that for what you will.

Do not take this mascara though.  Leave it.  Run from it.  Your eyes deserve better.  You can buy a lot of awesome mascaras, for way less money, and not want to, as the saying goes, shoot your eye out.  Tarte is known for their palettes, and a lot of times, I feel like, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.