Ugh.
You know those things that you think are going to be a great idea, and so you do them over and over again and they still remain a bad idea? So it goes with me and sea salt spray. I have a pretty good head of hair. Its common in fatties like myself. I dont know if its the extra oil or extra protein, but you will rarely run across a fat girl with bad hair.
I love the idea of beachy waves. Because I have this long, thick hair, I picture it blowing in the wind, with the salt of the waves coming off of me and the sun setting behind me. I am always looking for a product that can do that. I havent found any.
My sweet hair stylist, Stanley, rubs some magic cream on it, and blows it dry with a diffuser, and its magically filled with beautiful chestnut curls. My friend, Jillian, can do the same thing. I have tried to do it a million times, and it always ends up just a frizzy mess. I always look like I am trying to grow out a bad perm.
Last week I was perusing the ulta beauty website, as I am wont to do these days. I love Ulta Beauty. Its my new mecca. Fancy products on the right, drug store products on the left. Face and hair. The first time I ever went in there, Asher stood up out of his stroller, announced he had to pee, and promptly peed every drop of urine that he'd surely been saving up for his whole life, all over their floor. It was a literal river of urine. And not only did I stay there after he peed, I've gone back since. That's how much I love it.
Anyway, they were having a sale on sea salt spray. And I know it won't work for me, but like I hairy moth to a flame, I am drawn:
Create a carefree, ocean-fresh look with full tousled texture, windswept waves, or piecey perfection and a low-sheen matte finish! Creates or enhances natural waves, and increases grip and texture for a ropey, ripple effect that is fit for sexy beachy style, all year round. Leave-in, non-drying formula.
I mean, how do you say no to that? I read the reviews and they all talked about the great coconut smell. Add coconut to the list of things I am a sucker for. I was out the door with coconut.
That part was not a lie. It does smell amazing. Like a beach vacation in a little bottle. I may use it as perfume. I tried it once and scrunched and scrunched my hair as it dried. Frizz ball. But again, hope springs eternal, and I decided it must be the scrunching. Surely if I just leave my hair alone those perfect waves shall be mine.
I decided to sleep on it wet. It didnt make any difference. I used to be able to sleep on wet hair and it would come out kind of pretty, but now its just crazy 80's hair band. And so today, I gave it my last try.
I washed my hair and applied the spray per the instructions. And then I left it be. Surely, this miracle spray+ beautiful summer air= perfect summer hair.
No.
The devil is a liar, as they say. It is still bad perm/total 80's hair band. No more sea salt spray for me. Maybe if my hair was a little bit thinner, it could really create something pretty. But this is not for me. Until I forget and try again in six months.
You know those things that you think are going to be a great idea, and so you do them over and over again and they still remain a bad idea? So it goes with me and sea salt spray. I have a pretty good head of hair. Its common in fatties like myself. I dont know if its the extra oil or extra protein, but you will rarely run across a fat girl with bad hair.
I love the idea of beachy waves. Because I have this long, thick hair, I picture it blowing in the wind, with the salt of the waves coming off of me and the sun setting behind me. I am always looking for a product that can do that. I havent found any.
My sweet hair stylist, Stanley, rubs some magic cream on it, and blows it dry with a diffuser, and its magically filled with beautiful chestnut curls. My friend, Jillian, can do the same thing. I have tried to do it a million times, and it always ends up just a frizzy mess. I always look like I am trying to grow out a bad perm.
Last week I was perusing the ulta beauty website, as I am wont to do these days. I love Ulta Beauty. Its my new mecca. Fancy products on the right, drug store products on the left. Face and hair. The first time I ever went in there, Asher stood up out of his stroller, announced he had to pee, and promptly peed every drop of urine that he'd surely been saving up for his whole life, all over their floor. It was a literal river of urine. And not only did I stay there after he peed, I've gone back since. That's how much I love it.
Anyway, they were having a sale on sea salt spray. And I know it won't work for me, but like I hairy moth to a flame, I am drawn:
Create a carefree, ocean-fresh look with full tousled texture, windswept waves, or piecey perfection and a low-sheen matte finish! Creates or enhances natural waves, and increases grip and texture for a ropey, ripple effect that is fit for sexy beachy style, all year round. Leave-in, non-drying formula.
I mean, how do you say no to that? I read the reviews and they all talked about the great coconut smell. Add coconut to the list of things I am a sucker for. I was out the door with coconut.
That part was not a lie. It does smell amazing. Like a beach vacation in a little bottle. I may use it as perfume. I tried it once and scrunched and scrunched my hair as it dried. Frizz ball. But again, hope springs eternal, and I decided it must be the scrunching. Surely if I just leave my hair alone those perfect waves shall be mine.
I decided to sleep on it wet. It didnt make any difference. I used to be able to sleep on wet hair and it would come out kind of pretty, but now its just crazy 80's hair band. And so today, I gave it my last try.
I washed my hair and applied the spray per the instructions. And then I left it be. Surely, this miracle spray+ beautiful summer air= perfect summer hair.
No.
The devil is a liar, as they say. It is still bad perm/total 80's hair band. No more sea salt spray for me. Maybe if my hair was a little bit thinner, it could really create something pretty. But this is not for me. Until I forget and try again in six months.
No. Just... no.
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